Do you ever have those days when you just want to run away from being a "grown up". I've had more than my share lately. Between making decisions and keep up with schedules and planning life... it can be exhausting. A day to be free and a kid again would be so welcome.
I am really trying to be a good person. I am struggling with certain people in my life who just keep making bad choices and yet they seem to be completely oblivious to these choices. I get so frustrated and even at times angry when I see other people getting hurt because of one of these poor choices. The hardest part for me is that the people making these choices know better, they just do. I am so saddened by how much the world has slowly crept into our lives so much so that we can make choices and decisions that are very clearly wrong and against what we believe in our Faith, and yet somehow it can be justified and chalked up to another one of those "life lesson's" and repeated time and time again.
My biggest anger for today is Bankruptcy. I am not a finance wiz or anything... but honestly, our economy is suffering because so many greedy Americana's have filed for bankruptcy. Now I am not on the banks side, they have done plenty of shady things, but you and I both know that we live in a self serving, I want it now type of world, the banks can not be blamed solely for our wants and desires, they just helped to facilitate them, the people are truly the ones who need to take a step back, look in the mirror and realize... I JUST DON'T have the money for this home, car, vacation, etc.
The thing that KILLS me is that people have become so good at still getting what they want without paying for it, that now our Nation is paying for it. Do these people, my fellow Americans, my friends, my family... do they understand this?
I would just like to ask, why is it that some people feel that they should get everything they want and desire and then just not pay for it, hide it from the bank so it can't be repossessed and still have these "things" that they certainly haven't paid for and most certainly don't deserve? Or better yet, put it in someone elses name so you don't have to have it counted or taken into consideration for your bankruptcy. This to me is beyond "shady", it's deceptive, it's wrong and it's dishonest. What kind of a people have we become? I can see a tiny glimpse of how other nations look upon us, our greed, our disposable life style, our self-centered and selfish lifestyles, the overwhelming feeling of "entitlement" that is so prevalent in our nation. It actually sickens me to think of it. It sickens me to know people who live this way, who betray their fellow Americans because come on people SOMEBODY is going to end up paying for what you kept without paying for. Our fees go up at our banks, the prices go up in stores, we can't get loans when we really need them because the banks will just stop lending.
It makes me so angry, in my own life there have been times when I was ready to just throw up my arms, yell mercy and just file bankruptcy, we started our marriage with medical bills and debt and student loans and at times it feels overwhelming but NEVER would we turn our backs on our debts. Who are we if we aren't a people of integrity? We work really hard for what we have and we go without a lot of those "wants" around here because it's not worth being dishonest to have a vacation or a new home or a new car.
I do have to say there is one exception, that being if you've had medical bills that paralyze you to the point of not being able to pay them. I believe this to be the only just reason to file for bankruptcy help. But honestly with everyone I know that has filed for it. This is the exception and not the "norm" for filing. I see that these families have Large homes, homes that to look at that make me feel sad, sad because when I see huge homes full of all of the world things you can acquire it just makes me sad that they have the need to do this, on the other hand it also makes me mad, mad because they can't and don't have the money to maintain this lifestyle. WHEN will we learn our lesson? When will we stop trying to "keep up with the Jones"? When will we have acquired enough "stuff"?
I am so confused, when did having a modest home, a modest car, a modest lifestyle become a bad thing? What about the Christian faith, is it not our life mission to help and sustain God's kingdom on earth? When will we find the time to do it... hum, let's just ponder this... Let's just say my mortgage payment is $2,500 a month and my car payment is $500 a month and my other debts for my 4 wheelers, trampoline, air hockey table, trailers, RV's, boats, Large TV's as big as a movie theater, all the latest electronic gadgets, vacations, etc. run me about $800-$1,000 a month in payments.... but I'm a good person because I donate $50 -$200 a month to a local charity to pay for a meal or shelter for a day or two for someone in need..
SERIOUSLY? Maybe my eyes have been opened living where I live, maybe this is a lesson that is just for me to learn and deal with in life... but I can't believe what I hear and see in this world. In my world, in my circle of friends and family.
What kind of a world and economy are we leaving to our children? Our Grand children? Our Great Grand Children? I am so physically sick at the thought of this. Who or What have we become? I see every day families who struggle just to have food on the table, who live on government help, not because they want to but because there is no other choice right now. They are trying, desperately trying to find a way out and back to being self sufficient, all they need is a little help from you and me, all they need is a bank to help them but alas, this is not possible because the bank is not helping anyone right now. So we can all pat ourselves on the back at a job well done for being greedy and taking more than we need or earn.
America, what a wonderful place to have everything you want and more on someone elses' dime. And you thought the problem was illegal immigrants taking over our country and taking our jobs... but at least they work for their money and I'd venture to say they pay back what they borrow... they most likely just save up and pay for what they need in cash..... a totally out dated and foreign concept in our country.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Spring
I honestly can't believe that it's only been a month since my sweet baby started sleeping in her own bed. I feel like I've lived months with all of the extra time I've had to read, keep up on my house, organize my closets, keep the laundry caught up, do yard work, read some more. I am simply amazed at how much more time I have in the day now that she sleeps on her own. It is so remarkable.
Life is so busy. I feel like the typical "taxi driver mom" that so many have talked about in life. From Baseball practice and games, to softball practice and games, the dentist, drama club, friends houses to hang out, doctors, shopping needs for school and personal wants, church activities and so many more places I seem to find myself driving weekly. How did this happen? I have really tried to heed to the counsel from our church leaders to spend time in our home, that it isn't necessary to have my children involved in so many "other activities" that they spend more time away from our home than in our home. I find this to be such the direct opposite of what the "world" would have you believe is necessary and needed in life. I know children who, after school, take a music lesson twice a week, a dance lesson, soccer, swimming and a language or religion class. I can see how parents feel that they need to educate and teach their children about these things. But in my opinion, this is TOO much, when do 5, 6, 7 and 8 year old kids, just get to "be kids". If they are participating in so many activities then when is there time to be in the home teaching the most important lessons in this life?
Oh, how I've struggled with this, because I am so against my children being overloaded with the "extras". It's hard to find a balance. So for my family we've decided to allow each of our children one activity once they are in 1st grade and on. It hasn't been easy, it definitely feels at times that we are taking precious time away from our family time, but I try and include the entire family when possible, like taking all 7 of us to little league games or Faith's School Sports. When I talk to other families they are shocked that we only do "one" extra activity per child. I find this to be so sad and yet so the "norm" in a world that so many times would lead you to believe that "other people or groups" can raise your children. And for me it's a sad world we live in, when families are torn apart because of these activities and by torn apart I mean that they are apart more than they are together each day.
I personally think it's better for our kids to have one thing to focus on, for instance, dance one year, a sport the next (or within the season) but not both at the same time. Kids can be so hard on themselves, striving for perfection and parental acceptance.
That's my soap box issue for today. I'm off to drive my kids to the park so they can play and be kids!
Life is so busy. I feel like the typical "taxi driver mom" that so many have talked about in life. From Baseball practice and games, to softball practice and games, the dentist, drama club, friends houses to hang out, doctors, shopping needs for school and personal wants, church activities and so many more places I seem to find myself driving weekly. How did this happen? I have really tried to heed to the counsel from our church leaders to spend time in our home, that it isn't necessary to have my children involved in so many "other activities" that they spend more time away from our home than in our home. I find this to be such the direct opposite of what the "world" would have you believe is necessary and needed in life. I know children who, after school, take a music lesson twice a week, a dance lesson, soccer, swimming and a language or religion class. I can see how parents feel that they need to educate and teach their children about these things. But in my opinion, this is TOO much, when do 5, 6, 7 and 8 year old kids, just get to "be kids". If they are participating in so many activities then when is there time to be in the home teaching the most important lessons in this life?
Oh, how I've struggled with this, because I am so against my children being overloaded with the "extras". It's hard to find a balance. So for my family we've decided to allow each of our children one activity once they are in 1st grade and on. It hasn't been easy, it definitely feels at times that we are taking precious time away from our family time, but I try and include the entire family when possible, like taking all 7 of us to little league games or Faith's School Sports. When I talk to other families they are shocked that we only do "one" extra activity per child. I find this to be so sad and yet so the "norm" in a world that so many times would lead you to believe that "other people or groups" can raise your children. And for me it's a sad world we live in, when families are torn apart because of these activities and by torn apart I mean that they are apart more than they are together each day.
I personally think it's better for our kids to have one thing to focus on, for instance, dance one year, a sport the next (or within the season) but not both at the same time. Kids can be so hard on themselves, striving for perfection and parental acceptance.
That's my soap box issue for today. I'm off to drive my kids to the park so they can play and be kids!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Sleep, sweet sleep!
It's been an amazing and agonizing week all at the same time. And it's all because of a little thing called SLEEP!
I took heed to my friend who a few months back established a sleep routine with her own daughter and highly encouraged (well kinda forcefully encouraged) me to do the same with Liz. I have to say that I'm the kind of mom who loves to cuddle with my babies and I've always been blessed with cuddly babies, I know some babies aren't but all 5 of mine have been. I've spent the past 13 1/2 years co-sleeping with my kids, by the time they are 2 they are in their own beds but up until then I've really, mostly (except the nightly interupted sleep for everyone involved from being kicked or pushed or laid across), enjoyed having them sleep in my bed or in a pack-n-play next to my bed... my husband however has never enjoyed this and for 13 1/2 years has begged me to get them in their own rooms and bed.... hum... well, here goes...
I started the week off, reluctant, ready for a miserable and emotionally stressful week of listening to my baby cry in her crib until she fell asleep. This week is spring break for the older kids so it's the perfect week to be sleep deprieved in the Connors home, for all of us to endure this horrible procedure, right? Monday came and went and I just didn't even try... a call from my friend came, "I'll do whatever you need, do you want me to come over and read you the book while she's screaming, stay the night, call me when ever you need me, I'll do what ever to help you with this". FINE! I'll give it a try tomorrow...
Tuesday Day 1
10:30 AM morning nap comes... start the classical music, kisses and hugs and I love you, place in crib, turn and leave, shut the door, screaming starts immediately as I place her in her crib... Oh, the agony, I cross the hall to my room, sit on my bed with my older daughters... both of who are just shocked that I'm even trying this... the screaming stops after 10-12 minutes. Then nothing, not a sound. I panic, "I'm just going to peek in to make sure she's okay"... Faith says "no you're not"... I wait and wait....and wait, but nothing happens, no crying, screaming, or any other death sounds at all... 45 minutes later she wakes, happy as can be. I'm totally in shock. 3:30 PM Afternoon nap... same routine, she cries for 3 minutes, sleeps for an hour. That night, 8:00 PM same routine, I'm a mess, I pull a blanket from my bed and 2 pillows and proceed to camp outside her door, just in case she needs me in the night... Nothing, less than 30 seconds of crying, I can hear her in the crib, I peek in and she is standing facing the opposite wall, nodding off to sleep, waking herself as her head and body start to fall to the mattress but she wakes and grabs tighter, until after 8-10 of these episodes, she finally allows her little body to slump in the corner of the crib, sitting up with her face pushed against the bed rails and sleeps for 3 hours... I'm so very uncomfortable on the floor so I stand up and decide, "fine, I guess she CAN do this" and proceed to "make her more comfortable" by repositioning her body to a flat and normal position, as I do she wakes, and my heart says "enough, she's been through enough" and I take her to my bed for the night to save her from such a horrible life... until she wakes at 3:00 AM screaming for a "BA BA" and hear my friends voice echo in my head "she doens't need one" and I kiss her and hug her and put her in her crib, turn on music , shut the door and head for my bed... where I sleep peacefully for 4 hours as does she after less than 30 seconds of crying....
Day 2
Morning nap 2 minutes of crying 1 1/2 hours of sleep
Afternoon nap 30 seconds of crying 1 hour of sleep
Night time... I can do this.... I can do this.... 11 straight hours of sleep for Liz... mom, tossed and turned around 1 and 3 and again at 5... but I didn't cave. Pat myself on the back.
Day 3
Morning nap less than 2 minutes of crying 1 1/2 hours of sleep
Afternoon nap Oh, crap we went to Chuck E Cheese knew we had to be back by 3 for her nap but she fell asleep in the car for 20-30 minutes, called my friend "it has to be at least 45 minutes to count as a nap, put her in her bed at the regular time"... SERIOUSLY?? That's a joke right, a really cruel joke, she will NEVER sleep NOW... I've had 5 kids I know these things... FINE, I give in... 4-5 minutes of crying and an hour of sleep later, I have to shake my head because I'm so not sure about how this happened.
8:00 PM Night time... 11 1/2 hours of sleep, had to wake her at 7:30 AM because I just couldn't take it anymore.
Day 4
THIS REALLY WORKED... 1 1/2 hours this morning already and I have a happy baby!
Call me a bad mom for all the years I could have been doing this... I wonder how many free hours of my own time I gave away because I was too stubborn to put my kids in their beds... them sleeping with me was totally for me and never about them, yeah sure I said "what if they stop breathing in the night, I need to hear that" and "they sleep better next to me" both totally lies, how can you "hear" them stop breathing? Lame, I know! The truth is kids need there sleep... this has been proof of that to me... I'm humbled and shocked all at the same time. Only took me 5 babies to figure it out.
Go Liz!!! I LOVE YOU LIZ!
I took heed to my friend who a few months back established a sleep routine with her own daughter and highly encouraged (well kinda forcefully encouraged) me to do the same with Liz. I have to say that I'm the kind of mom who loves to cuddle with my babies and I've always been blessed with cuddly babies, I know some babies aren't but all 5 of mine have been. I've spent the past 13 1/2 years co-sleeping with my kids, by the time they are 2 they are in their own beds but up until then I've really, mostly (except the nightly interupted sleep for everyone involved from being kicked or pushed or laid across), enjoyed having them sleep in my bed or in a pack-n-play next to my bed... my husband however has never enjoyed this and for 13 1/2 years has begged me to get them in their own rooms and bed.... hum... well, here goes...
I started the week off, reluctant, ready for a miserable and emotionally stressful week of listening to my baby cry in her crib until she fell asleep. This week is spring break for the older kids so it's the perfect week to be sleep deprieved in the Connors home, for all of us to endure this horrible procedure, right? Monday came and went and I just didn't even try... a call from my friend came, "I'll do whatever you need, do you want me to come over and read you the book while she's screaming, stay the night, call me when ever you need me, I'll do what ever to help you with this". FINE! I'll give it a try tomorrow...
Tuesday Day 1
10:30 AM morning nap comes... start the classical music, kisses and hugs and I love you, place in crib, turn and leave, shut the door, screaming starts immediately as I place her in her crib... Oh, the agony, I cross the hall to my room, sit on my bed with my older daughters... both of who are just shocked that I'm even trying this... the screaming stops after 10-12 minutes. Then nothing, not a sound. I panic, "I'm just going to peek in to make sure she's okay"... Faith says "no you're not"... I wait and wait....and wait, but nothing happens, no crying, screaming, or any other death sounds at all... 45 minutes later she wakes, happy as can be. I'm totally in shock. 3:30 PM Afternoon nap... same routine, she cries for 3 minutes, sleeps for an hour. That night, 8:00 PM same routine, I'm a mess, I pull a blanket from my bed and 2 pillows and proceed to camp outside her door, just in case she needs me in the night... Nothing, less than 30 seconds of crying, I can hear her in the crib, I peek in and she is standing facing the opposite wall, nodding off to sleep, waking herself as her head and body start to fall to the mattress but she wakes and grabs tighter, until after 8-10 of these episodes, she finally allows her little body to slump in the corner of the crib, sitting up with her face pushed against the bed rails and sleeps for 3 hours... I'm so very uncomfortable on the floor so I stand up and decide, "fine, I guess she CAN do this" and proceed to "make her more comfortable" by repositioning her body to a flat and normal position, as I do she wakes, and my heart says "enough, she's been through enough" and I take her to my bed for the night to save her from such a horrible life... until she wakes at 3:00 AM screaming for a "BA BA" and hear my friends voice echo in my head "she doens't need one" and I kiss her and hug her and put her in her crib, turn on music , shut the door and head for my bed... where I sleep peacefully for 4 hours as does she after less than 30 seconds of crying....
Day 2
Morning nap 2 minutes of crying 1 1/2 hours of sleep
Afternoon nap 30 seconds of crying 1 hour of sleep
Night time... I can do this.... I can do this.... 11 straight hours of sleep for Liz... mom, tossed and turned around 1 and 3 and again at 5... but I didn't cave. Pat myself on the back.
Day 3
Morning nap less than 2 minutes of crying 1 1/2 hours of sleep
Afternoon nap Oh, crap we went to Chuck E Cheese knew we had to be back by 3 for her nap but she fell asleep in the car for 20-30 minutes, called my friend "it has to be at least 45 minutes to count as a nap, put her in her bed at the regular time"... SERIOUSLY?? That's a joke right, a really cruel joke, she will NEVER sleep NOW... I've had 5 kids I know these things... FINE, I give in... 4-5 minutes of crying and an hour of sleep later, I have to shake my head because I'm so not sure about how this happened.
8:00 PM Night time... 11 1/2 hours of sleep, had to wake her at 7:30 AM because I just couldn't take it anymore.
Day 4
THIS REALLY WORKED... 1 1/2 hours this morning already and I have a happy baby!
Call me a bad mom for all the years I could have been doing this... I wonder how many free hours of my own time I gave away because I was too stubborn to put my kids in their beds... them sleeping with me was totally for me and never about them, yeah sure I said "what if they stop breathing in the night, I need to hear that" and "they sleep better next to me" both totally lies, how can you "hear" them stop breathing? Lame, I know! The truth is kids need there sleep... this has been proof of that to me... I'm humbled and shocked all at the same time. Only took me 5 babies to figure it out.
Go Liz!!! I LOVE YOU LIZ!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Rachel's Challenge
Faith and Hailey came home from an assembly given on Rachel Scott's Essay (she was the 1st person killed in the Columbine HS shootings)... they were emotional and very much changed by what they saw and heard during this assembly. If you haven't had the chance to read this, take the time to do it today, it will make you look at life in a new light and maybe just maybe change how you feel and do things...
http://www.rachelschallenge.org/LearnMore/RachelsEssay.php
What a remarkable young woman. How amazing and wonderful her legacy!
http://www.rachelschallenge.org/LearnMore/RachelsEssay.php
What a remarkable young woman. How amazing and wonderful her legacy!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
10th Photo Tag!
I have been tagged. Here is the deal. You must find your 1oth photo in your first album. So here is mine.
2003 in Novato California, our first move out of Utah. Faith and Hailey being monkey's on our condo play ground. Man how time flies.
Now my turn, find the 10th photo in your 1st album on your PC and post it. I tag, Shantel, Shauna and Laura!
Kids!
I took Noah to the doctor today, he had a nasty rash on his face and then I realized it was actually all over his torso too... strep throat! Let the good times begin in the Connors home. Well that post started on Monday and here it is Wednesday and I'm heading back to the doctor with Ammon.. he was up with a fever in the night and a killer red and swollen throat today.
I hope this passes quickly. The down side of having 5 kids... one illness can be in our home for a month or more. YIKES!
I hope this passes quickly. The down side of having 5 kids... one illness can be in our home for a month or more. YIKES!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
New Experiences
I got a call Friday night from the Elders in our church asking who taught Relief Society this past Sunday, I stated, well Elders that would have been me. Elder Tanner laughed and said, that's who I was hoping you would say, he then proceeded to say, we have this investigator who is being baptized this Sunday (less than 2 days from the phone call), she was very impressed with your lesson and that you cried (which by the way is the understatment of the year, it's more like the flood gates opened and I let loose) and she really liked you. She would like you to speak on the Holy Ghost at her Baptism on Sunday. I felt a little embarassed because I had only smiled at this sister in passing, I am usually really good about introducing myself to new members or visitors but had been distracted by my lesson and preoccupied and hadn't said more than "hi' in passing to her. And yet my lesson somehow impacted her enough that she asked for me.
As I set about preparing my talk, I found a hymn book and a journal that I had in our home that both reminded me of the Holy Ghost, the journal for recording her feelings and the promptings she recieves and the hymnal to help her feel the spirit through songs of praise by reading and singing the lyrics. I felt pretty nervous as I always do about public speaking but was happy to have the opportunity.
As you may know our day here in NY started out pretty messed up, we have one of the worst storms I've witnessed in my life last night, trees down, over 1/2 million without power, 5 dead in the tri-state area. It was a maze just to get to our church, we had to mostly use side roads because trees blocked the main roads. When the service started there were about 12 of us there. By the time it was over we had reached over 50. We had to come home before the Baptism to get the journal/book and the cookies/refreshements I had offered to bring. The roads were a mess and we were nearly 30 mintues late for the baptism, we literally walked in, watched sister Lunie go under the water and the I was giving my talk. It went well. She cried, I cried and it was amazing to me how much this was for me and not just for her. It's been a rough week, I know Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways but this one is for sure up there. Me a complete stranger, now feeling that close bond of sisters in the Gospel and the love that comes from that bond. How thankful I am for this sweet sister from Haiti who asked for me and who blessed my life so much more than I could have hers.
As I set about preparing my talk, I found a hymn book and a journal that I had in our home that both reminded me of the Holy Ghost, the journal for recording her feelings and the promptings she recieves and the hymnal to help her feel the spirit through songs of praise by reading and singing the lyrics. I felt pretty nervous as I always do about public speaking but was happy to have the opportunity.
As you may know our day here in NY started out pretty messed up, we have one of the worst storms I've witnessed in my life last night, trees down, over 1/2 million without power, 5 dead in the tri-state area. It was a maze just to get to our church, we had to mostly use side roads because trees blocked the main roads. When the service started there were about 12 of us there. By the time it was over we had reached over 50. We had to come home before the Baptism to get the journal/book and the cookies/refreshements I had offered to bring. The roads were a mess and we were nearly 30 mintues late for the baptism, we literally walked in, watched sister Lunie go under the water and the I was giving my talk. It went well. She cried, I cried and it was amazing to me how much this was for me and not just for her. It's been a rough week, I know Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways but this one is for sure up there. Me a complete stranger, now feeling that close bond of sisters in the Gospel and the love that comes from that bond. How thankful I am for this sweet sister from Haiti who asked for me and who blessed my life so much more than I could have hers.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Sleep can make me happy??
I've been "off" all week, little did I realize that my lack of sleep lately, due to a teething baby has really messed with me. How could I not know that? It's not like this is baby #1, I mean come on she's #5... Oh, the things we forget and have to relearn. I am going to take those naps, even 20 minutes will help here and there. Long nights for mom and baby make for a grouchy mom the next day. Hoping for some more sunshine, 4 days of rain and then, keeping my fingers crossed that the sun will find it's way back into our lives and we can spend more time outdoors.
My boys decided they were going to try and sled down the one very small patch of snow left on the side hill in our yard. Well, needless to say they ended up muddy and bruised and didn't really have much fun. Good times!
Spring, Spring, Spring.... we can't wait to greet you!
My boys decided they were going to try and sled down the one very small patch of snow left on the side hill in our yard. Well, needless to say they ended up muddy and bruised and didn't really have much fun. Good times!
Spring, Spring, Spring.... we can't wait to greet you!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Montana??
I've often made the comment in my life that "I wish I lived in Montana", now mind you, I've never even been to Montana, but something really appeals to me about it. Lately I've been seriously wishing I lived in Montana, a nice place in the middle of no where, a place where I can just hibernate if I want too. Odd isn't it. I don't know what happened to me... I've always loved NY and now for the past few weeks all I can think about is the great wide open. Too many neighbors? Too many stresses? Too much pollution? Too many cars? Too many liberals? Too many ignorant people? Too much expecation of what I'm supposed to do? Many of the thoughts that have crossed my mind as to why the sudden thoughts of the big blue sky in Montana....
Hum... I'm sure there's more to come on this one.
Hum... I'm sure there's more to come on this one.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Failing
Do you ever feel like if you were being graded day to day (or even hour by hour) that you would receive a failing grade. What is it with these stupid thoughts? Is my list of things to do just too long or am I not being realistic? Why is that as a woman I tend to compare myself to everyone around me? This can't be healthy, this can't be good. The stupidest part is that I know I'm doing it and still do it. Life just isn't easy and really it can really feel like a big dirty swamp at times. Looking forward to a cleaner pool to swim in.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
