I found this article so fascinating... here is the link to the entire thing, the list below took me by surprise, yet rings a truthful tone.
(For the ENTIRE ARTICLE: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tom-ferry/the-4-addictions-that-des_b_582556.html)
The Four Addictions
I've discovered four addictions we all have that destroy more dreams, more hopes and more lives than alcohol, drugs, food, gambling or sex combined. When I refer to addictions, I am not focused on any of these. To me, those are habitual symptoms or effects brought on by four much larger causes that are the root cause of those symptoms.
They are:
1) The Addiction to opinions of other people. As a society, we're addicted to what others think about us and how others' views of the world affect us.
2) The Addiction to drama. Some people are drawn to and consumed by any event or situation that occupies their thoughts and fills their mind with negativity, which often brings attention to them in unproductive ways.
3) The Addiction to the past. These people have an unhealthy attachment to events or situations that have occurred in the past. They're stuck in how things used to be.
4) The Addiction to worry. This addiction is comprised of all the negative and self-defeating thoughts that make us anxious, disturbed, upset and stressed, that hold us back in life.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Wait to pass judgement until you've walked in their shoes
I'm not really sure why lately I find myself telling myself and really almost everyone I talk to, "just remember you haven't walked in their shoes". I guess it's mostly for me that I say this. I say this because so many times in my life I find that I am judging, not intentionally, but nonetheless, judging others and what they "appear" to be doing wrong. I guess my rant and angry post about bankruptcy fueled my need to write this.
I try my best not to judge others, I really do. I've lived in enough places in this country to see the good, the bad, the ugly, the hated, the misunderstood, the confused, the lonely, the liars, the mostly condemned, the addicted, the old and forgotten, the poor, the needy, the sick, the mentally sick, the physically sick, and the any other group you can imagine. I really have a soft spot in my heart for those who try so hard to do what's right and still fall short, mostly because I feel like that really describes me. I try so hard to do what I know is right, and yet I still come up short. I try to be a good mother, wife, friend, neighbors, sister, aunt, volunteer, and every other hat I wear. But somehow at the end of the week, I feel like I've left so much undone.
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, one whom I thought I knew pretty well, when it dawned on me, I really truly didn't know much about her, at least not about her upbringing and life before I knew her a few years ago. I was truly shocked by some of the stories she had to tell me from her life. I guess I had "misjudged" her, not necessarily in a bad way but in a way that lead me to make some conclusions about who she was and "what she should be doing in life". I found myself looking at this wonderful woman for the first time and realizing that along with the beautiful face, perfect nails, gorgeous hair came a damaged and broken package. She had lived through some pretty awful life experiences, that are not mine to share but that left me weeping.
I've been really honestly trying not to pass judgement on anyone. I guess I have done this more than I realized, I would make an assumption about someone, for instance, if you grew up out West as I did, were a member of my faith and came to church.... I guess I just "assumed" certain things about you. I assumed you knew how to keep the Sabbath day holy, how to serve, how to offer help, how to support those around you... I guess being so caught up in my "assuming" I forgot one important piece to this puzzle... that being "no 2 pieces are exactly alike"... shocking it isn't. But a new found realization for me. I guess if I think about my own life, my own family, no 2 of my siblings are "exactly" the same. We grew up in the same home, with the same parents and yet we all have different versions of the same experiences to share. At the end of the day, we all have different abilities to learn and grow, even in the same experiences.
With that being said, I am still a FIRM believer in knowing "Right from Wrong" and that we need to be aware of those around us and try and make the world a better place. I will do my best not to judge you. I just ask that you do the same for me. It's when we start point out each other's weaknesses that we all start to fall and fail in life. We need to build each other up, not tear each other down. And part of that is letting go of selfishness. I guess that is where my previous post and anger came from. I am really trying hard to not judge those who live selfish lives, lives that take a negative toll on everyone around them, and yet they don't see it. I will try harder to be less judgemental. At the end of the day I guess that's all we can do, just try our best.
I try my best not to judge others, I really do. I've lived in enough places in this country to see the good, the bad, the ugly, the hated, the misunderstood, the confused, the lonely, the liars, the mostly condemned, the addicted, the old and forgotten, the poor, the needy, the sick, the mentally sick, the physically sick, and the any other group you can imagine. I really have a soft spot in my heart for those who try so hard to do what's right and still fall short, mostly because I feel like that really describes me. I try so hard to do what I know is right, and yet I still come up short. I try to be a good mother, wife, friend, neighbors, sister, aunt, volunteer, and every other hat I wear. But somehow at the end of the week, I feel like I've left so much undone.
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, one whom I thought I knew pretty well, when it dawned on me, I really truly didn't know much about her, at least not about her upbringing and life before I knew her a few years ago. I was truly shocked by some of the stories she had to tell me from her life. I guess I had "misjudged" her, not necessarily in a bad way but in a way that lead me to make some conclusions about who she was and "what she should be doing in life". I found myself looking at this wonderful woman for the first time and realizing that along with the beautiful face, perfect nails, gorgeous hair came a damaged and broken package. She had lived through some pretty awful life experiences, that are not mine to share but that left me weeping.
I've been really honestly trying not to pass judgement on anyone. I guess I have done this more than I realized, I would make an assumption about someone, for instance, if you grew up out West as I did, were a member of my faith and came to church.... I guess I just "assumed" certain things about you. I assumed you knew how to keep the Sabbath day holy, how to serve, how to offer help, how to support those around you... I guess being so caught up in my "assuming" I forgot one important piece to this puzzle... that being "no 2 pieces are exactly alike"... shocking it isn't. But a new found realization for me. I guess if I think about my own life, my own family, no 2 of my siblings are "exactly" the same. We grew up in the same home, with the same parents and yet we all have different versions of the same experiences to share. At the end of the day, we all have different abilities to learn and grow, even in the same experiences.
With that being said, I am still a FIRM believer in knowing "Right from Wrong" and that we need to be aware of those around us and try and make the world a better place. I will do my best not to judge you. I just ask that you do the same for me. It's when we start point out each other's weaknesses that we all start to fall and fail in life. We need to build each other up, not tear each other down. And part of that is letting go of selfishness. I guess that is where my previous post and anger came from. I am really trying hard to not judge those who live selfish lives, lives that take a negative toll on everyone around them, and yet they don't see it. I will try harder to be less judgemental. At the end of the day I guess that's all we can do, just try our best.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
A day in the life...
Morning starts at 6-6:30, Mikes in the shower, baby in her crib across the hall saying "da da da da". Me sleepy eyed and trying to climb out of bed. Once I'm up... it's like one thing after the next.
5 kids dressed, fed, lunches packed, homework checked, coats or jackets, shoes, take the garbage out on the way out the door to drive them to 2 different schools. Home to greet any friends who might be coming to play, laundry, dishes, sweeping, vacuuming, bathrooms, more sweeping, more laundry, wash, dry, fold, carry up 2 flights of stairs to the bedrooms, make beds, pick up floors, change diaper, new clothes for messy baby, snack for kids, change another diaper, baby to bed, check e-mail, correspond with teachers, aides, church needs, friends, family. Deep breath, sweep again, more dishes, more laundry (seriously all day long today), and it's only 10:30 am and I'm blogging it.
And today is an "easy" day in the normal chaos driven home of ours. I wonder how the rest of this day will go? I did stop to enjoy my sweet baby and see the joy in her eyes at discovering how to open the drawers and find new play items in the kitchen today.
5 kids dressed, fed, lunches packed, homework checked, coats or jackets, shoes, take the garbage out on the way out the door to drive them to 2 different schools. Home to greet any friends who might be coming to play, laundry, dishes, sweeping, vacuuming, bathrooms, more sweeping, more laundry, wash, dry, fold, carry up 2 flights of stairs to the bedrooms, make beds, pick up floors, change diaper, new clothes for messy baby, snack for kids, change another diaper, baby to bed, check e-mail, correspond with teachers, aides, church needs, friends, family. Deep breath, sweep again, more dishes, more laundry (seriously all day long today), and it's only 10:30 am and I'm blogging it.
And today is an "easy" day in the normal chaos driven home of ours. I wonder how the rest of this day will go? I did stop to enjoy my sweet baby and see the joy in her eyes at discovering how to open the drawers and find new play items in the kitchen today.
Monday, May 17, 2010
My sweet husband
I am so thankful for my sweet husband. I have really been a handful lately and he is so sweet and so calm and always the voice of reason in my life. I am so grateful for him. I am so lucky to call him my eternal companion. He is the best father and husband! I am really going to try and do something special for him this Father's Day. I've never known a man to be so honest and straightforward with his answers and thoughts. I being a woman have a hard time with the straightforward part. I am so worried about offending or hurting feelings that at times it's painful just to have a conversation because then I have to spend hours decoding and analyzing and reanalyzing and figuring out what was said or what was meant or why it was said or what they really wanted to say. Men just don't do that. It's simple, it's straightforward, it's easy. I know I can always go to my hubby and he will help me with whatever the issue is I'm focusing on at that moment and he always surprises me with his wisdom and simple answers. I totally get the need for a balance in a marriage between a woman and a man. I am eternally grateful for that. I'm glad I have a blog where I can vent when needed... prime example... my previous post. Hopefully it didn't offend anyone or my husband is going to need to be around a lot more to walk me through my analyzing phase of a post conversation. :)
Grown up
Do you ever have those days when you just want to run away from being a "grown up". I've had more than my share lately. Between making decisions and keep up with schedules and planning life... it can be exhausting. A day to be free and a kid again would be so welcome.
I am really trying to be a good person. I am struggling with certain people in my life who just keep making bad choices and yet they seem to be completely oblivious to these choices. I get so frustrated and even at times angry when I see other people getting hurt because of one of these poor choices. The hardest part for me is that the people making these choices know better, they just do. I am so saddened by how much the world has slowly crept into our lives so much so that we can make choices and decisions that are very clearly wrong and against what we believe in our Faith, and yet somehow it can be justified and chalked up to another one of those "life lesson's" and repeated time and time again.
My biggest anger for today is Bankruptcy. I am not a finance wiz or anything... but honestly, our economy is suffering because so many greedy Americana's have filed for bankruptcy. Now I am not on the banks side, they have done plenty of shady things, but you and I both know that we live in a self serving, I want it now type of world, the banks can not be blamed solely for our wants and desires, they just helped to facilitate them, the people are truly the ones who need to take a step back, look in the mirror and realize... I JUST DON'T have the money for this home, car, vacation, etc.
The thing that KILLS me is that people have become so good at still getting what they want without paying for it, that now our Nation is paying for it. Do these people, my fellow Americans, my friends, my family... do they understand this?
I would just like to ask, why is it that some people feel that they should get everything they want and desire and then just not pay for it, hide it from the bank so it can't be repossessed and still have these "things" that they certainly haven't paid for and most certainly don't deserve? Or better yet, put it in someone elses name so you don't have to have it counted or taken into consideration for your bankruptcy. This to me is beyond "shady", it's deceptive, it's wrong and it's dishonest. What kind of a people have we become? I can see a tiny glimpse of how other nations look upon us, our greed, our disposable life style, our self-centered and selfish lifestyles, the overwhelming feeling of "entitlement" that is so prevalent in our nation. It actually sickens me to think of it. It sickens me to know people who live this way, who betray their fellow Americans because come on people SOMEBODY is going to end up paying for what you kept without paying for. Our fees go up at our banks, the prices go up in stores, we can't get loans when we really need them because the banks will just stop lending.
It makes me so angry, in my own life there have been times when I was ready to just throw up my arms, yell mercy and just file bankruptcy, we started our marriage with medical bills and debt and student loans and at times it feels overwhelming but NEVER would we turn our backs on our debts. Who are we if we aren't a people of integrity? We work really hard for what we have and we go without a lot of those "wants" around here because it's not worth being dishonest to have a vacation or a new home or a new car.
I do have to say there is one exception, that being if you've had medical bills that paralyze you to the point of not being able to pay them. I believe this to be the only just reason to file for bankruptcy help. But honestly with everyone I know that has filed for it. This is the exception and not the "norm" for filing. I see that these families have Large homes, homes that to look at that make me feel sad, sad because when I see huge homes full of all of the world things you can acquire it just makes me sad that they have the need to do this, on the other hand it also makes me mad, mad because they can't and don't have the money to maintain this lifestyle. WHEN will we learn our lesson? When will we stop trying to "keep up with the Jones"? When will we have acquired enough "stuff"?
I am so confused, when did having a modest home, a modest car, a modest lifestyle become a bad thing? What about the Christian faith, is it not our life mission to help and sustain God's kingdom on earth? When will we find the time to do it... hum, let's just ponder this... Let's just say my mortgage payment is $2,500 a month and my car payment is $500 a month and my other debts for my 4 wheelers, trampoline, air hockey table, trailers, RV's, boats, Large TV's as big as a movie theater, all the latest electronic gadgets, vacations, etc. run me about $800-$1,000 a month in payments.... but I'm a good person because I donate $50 -$200 a month to a local charity to pay for a meal or shelter for a day or two for someone in need..
SERIOUSLY? Maybe my eyes have been opened living where I live, maybe this is a lesson that is just for me to learn and deal with in life... but I can't believe what I hear and see in this world. In my world, in my circle of friends and family.
What kind of a world and economy are we leaving to our children? Our Grand children? Our Great Grand Children? I am so physically sick at the thought of this. Who or What have we become? I see every day families who struggle just to have food on the table, who live on government help, not because they want to but because there is no other choice right now. They are trying, desperately trying to find a way out and back to being self sufficient, all they need is a little help from you and me, all they need is a bank to help them but alas, this is not possible because the bank is not helping anyone right now. So we can all pat ourselves on the back at a job well done for being greedy and taking more than we need or earn.
America, what a wonderful place to have everything you want and more on someone elses' dime. And you thought the problem was illegal immigrants taking over our country and taking our jobs... but at least they work for their money and I'd venture to say they pay back what they borrow... they most likely just save up and pay for what they need in cash..... a totally out dated and foreign concept in our country.
I am really trying to be a good person. I am struggling with certain people in my life who just keep making bad choices and yet they seem to be completely oblivious to these choices. I get so frustrated and even at times angry when I see other people getting hurt because of one of these poor choices. The hardest part for me is that the people making these choices know better, they just do. I am so saddened by how much the world has slowly crept into our lives so much so that we can make choices and decisions that are very clearly wrong and against what we believe in our Faith, and yet somehow it can be justified and chalked up to another one of those "life lesson's" and repeated time and time again.
My biggest anger for today is Bankruptcy. I am not a finance wiz or anything... but honestly, our economy is suffering because so many greedy Americana's have filed for bankruptcy. Now I am not on the banks side, they have done plenty of shady things, but you and I both know that we live in a self serving, I want it now type of world, the banks can not be blamed solely for our wants and desires, they just helped to facilitate them, the people are truly the ones who need to take a step back, look in the mirror and realize... I JUST DON'T have the money for this home, car, vacation, etc.
The thing that KILLS me is that people have become so good at still getting what they want without paying for it, that now our Nation is paying for it. Do these people, my fellow Americans, my friends, my family... do they understand this?
I would just like to ask, why is it that some people feel that they should get everything they want and desire and then just not pay for it, hide it from the bank so it can't be repossessed and still have these "things" that they certainly haven't paid for and most certainly don't deserve? Or better yet, put it in someone elses name so you don't have to have it counted or taken into consideration for your bankruptcy. This to me is beyond "shady", it's deceptive, it's wrong and it's dishonest. What kind of a people have we become? I can see a tiny glimpse of how other nations look upon us, our greed, our disposable life style, our self-centered and selfish lifestyles, the overwhelming feeling of "entitlement" that is so prevalent in our nation. It actually sickens me to think of it. It sickens me to know people who live this way, who betray their fellow Americans because come on people SOMEBODY is going to end up paying for what you kept without paying for. Our fees go up at our banks, the prices go up in stores, we can't get loans when we really need them because the banks will just stop lending.
It makes me so angry, in my own life there have been times when I was ready to just throw up my arms, yell mercy and just file bankruptcy, we started our marriage with medical bills and debt and student loans and at times it feels overwhelming but NEVER would we turn our backs on our debts. Who are we if we aren't a people of integrity? We work really hard for what we have and we go without a lot of those "wants" around here because it's not worth being dishonest to have a vacation or a new home or a new car.
I do have to say there is one exception, that being if you've had medical bills that paralyze you to the point of not being able to pay them. I believe this to be the only just reason to file for bankruptcy help. But honestly with everyone I know that has filed for it. This is the exception and not the "norm" for filing. I see that these families have Large homes, homes that to look at that make me feel sad, sad because when I see huge homes full of all of the world things you can acquire it just makes me sad that they have the need to do this, on the other hand it also makes me mad, mad because they can't and don't have the money to maintain this lifestyle. WHEN will we learn our lesson? When will we stop trying to "keep up with the Jones"? When will we have acquired enough "stuff"?
I am so confused, when did having a modest home, a modest car, a modest lifestyle become a bad thing? What about the Christian faith, is it not our life mission to help and sustain God's kingdom on earth? When will we find the time to do it... hum, let's just ponder this... Let's just say my mortgage payment is $2,500 a month and my car payment is $500 a month and my other debts for my 4 wheelers, trampoline, air hockey table, trailers, RV's, boats, Large TV's as big as a movie theater, all the latest electronic gadgets, vacations, etc. run me about $800-$1,000 a month in payments.... but I'm a good person because I donate $50 -$200 a month to a local charity to pay for a meal or shelter for a day or two for someone in need..
SERIOUSLY? Maybe my eyes have been opened living where I live, maybe this is a lesson that is just for me to learn and deal with in life... but I can't believe what I hear and see in this world. In my world, in my circle of friends and family.
What kind of a world and economy are we leaving to our children? Our Grand children? Our Great Grand Children? I am so physically sick at the thought of this. Who or What have we become? I see every day families who struggle just to have food on the table, who live on government help, not because they want to but because there is no other choice right now. They are trying, desperately trying to find a way out and back to being self sufficient, all they need is a little help from you and me, all they need is a bank to help them but alas, this is not possible because the bank is not helping anyone right now. So we can all pat ourselves on the back at a job well done for being greedy and taking more than we need or earn.
America, what a wonderful place to have everything you want and more on someone elses' dime. And you thought the problem was illegal immigrants taking over our country and taking our jobs... but at least they work for their money and I'd venture to say they pay back what they borrow... they most likely just save up and pay for what they need in cash..... a totally out dated and foreign concept in our country.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Spring
I honestly can't believe that it's only been a month since my sweet baby started sleeping in her own bed. I feel like I've lived months with all of the extra time I've had to read, keep up on my house, organize my closets, keep the laundry caught up, do yard work, read some more. I am simply amazed at how much more time I have in the day now that she sleeps on her own. It is so remarkable.
Life is so busy. I feel like the typical "taxi driver mom" that so many have talked about in life. From Baseball practice and games, to softball practice and games, the dentist, drama club, friends houses to hang out, doctors, shopping needs for school and personal wants, church activities and so many more places I seem to find myself driving weekly. How did this happen? I have really tried to heed to the counsel from our church leaders to spend time in our home, that it isn't necessary to have my children involved in so many "other activities" that they spend more time away from our home than in our home. I find this to be such the direct opposite of what the "world" would have you believe is necessary and needed in life. I know children who, after school, take a music lesson twice a week, a dance lesson, soccer, swimming and a language or religion class. I can see how parents feel that they need to educate and teach their children about these things. But in my opinion, this is TOO much, when do 5, 6, 7 and 8 year old kids, just get to "be kids". If they are participating in so many activities then when is there time to be in the home teaching the most important lessons in this life?
Oh, how I've struggled with this, because I am so against my children being overloaded with the "extras". It's hard to find a balance. So for my family we've decided to allow each of our children one activity once they are in 1st grade and on. It hasn't been easy, it definitely feels at times that we are taking precious time away from our family time, but I try and include the entire family when possible, like taking all 7 of us to little league games or Faith's School Sports. When I talk to other families they are shocked that we only do "one" extra activity per child. I find this to be so sad and yet so the "norm" in a world that so many times would lead you to believe that "other people or groups" can raise your children. And for me it's a sad world we live in, when families are torn apart because of these activities and by torn apart I mean that they are apart more than they are together each day.
I personally think it's better for our kids to have one thing to focus on, for instance, dance one year, a sport the next (or within the season) but not both at the same time. Kids can be so hard on themselves, striving for perfection and parental acceptance.
That's my soap box issue for today. I'm off to drive my kids to the park so they can play and be kids!
Life is so busy. I feel like the typical "taxi driver mom" that so many have talked about in life. From Baseball practice and games, to softball practice and games, the dentist, drama club, friends houses to hang out, doctors, shopping needs for school and personal wants, church activities and so many more places I seem to find myself driving weekly. How did this happen? I have really tried to heed to the counsel from our church leaders to spend time in our home, that it isn't necessary to have my children involved in so many "other activities" that they spend more time away from our home than in our home. I find this to be such the direct opposite of what the "world" would have you believe is necessary and needed in life. I know children who, after school, take a music lesson twice a week, a dance lesson, soccer, swimming and a language or religion class. I can see how parents feel that they need to educate and teach their children about these things. But in my opinion, this is TOO much, when do 5, 6, 7 and 8 year old kids, just get to "be kids". If they are participating in so many activities then when is there time to be in the home teaching the most important lessons in this life?
Oh, how I've struggled with this, because I am so against my children being overloaded with the "extras". It's hard to find a balance. So for my family we've decided to allow each of our children one activity once they are in 1st grade and on. It hasn't been easy, it definitely feels at times that we are taking precious time away from our family time, but I try and include the entire family when possible, like taking all 7 of us to little league games or Faith's School Sports. When I talk to other families they are shocked that we only do "one" extra activity per child. I find this to be so sad and yet so the "norm" in a world that so many times would lead you to believe that "other people or groups" can raise your children. And for me it's a sad world we live in, when families are torn apart because of these activities and by torn apart I mean that they are apart more than they are together each day.
I personally think it's better for our kids to have one thing to focus on, for instance, dance one year, a sport the next (or within the season) but not both at the same time. Kids can be so hard on themselves, striving for perfection and parental acceptance.
That's my soap box issue for today. I'm off to drive my kids to the park so they can play and be kids!
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